My Lemons: Pre Surgery

The afterglow of the post chemo celebrations have started to fade as I face my next challenge; surgery. Depending on your diagnosis, some people have surgery first, and I think it is relatively new doing the surgery after chemo. So here we are, the day before my surgery.

Once I was diagnosed I always kind of knew I just wanted a double mastectomy. I don’t feel a huge attachment to my breasts and they have never really defined my feelings around my body. I also think because I was able to breastfeed both my babies, that there work is done. For this I am grateful and feel very lucky.

I also got the news that I have the BRCA1 gene. This just further affirmed my decision. This little nugget of news also means I will have to get my ovaries out in a few years. Joy!

Again, feeling so grateful for my two little monsters. I couldn’t imagine going through this with the weight of navigating motherhood.

Last weekend I had a “boobvoyage” and I highly recommend this to anyone about to go through this type of surgery. I was spoiled, loved, and forgot I had ever had cancer or an impeding surgery.

So tomorrow is the day I say farewell to my tatas!

Today I had to get my lymph nodes mapped, which means they inject some blue dye (literally a need into my boob OUCH), take some pictures, and then mark where those nodes are so the surgeon can take them out and test for cancer.

No one called me about this appointment, so I figured it would happen before surgery so I was actually pretty flustered. Had a cry. Then got over it. I had to remind myself first “there’s no crying in baseball”, and second it’s just one more step closer to the finish line.

In a weird way once it was all done I can say I feel more peaceful about my surgery. Do you ever find before a big event, a little speed bump almost breaks the tension? Like I’ve been holding tight and now I can relax. Tomorrow will be what it will be. It is all a part of my journey.

So I’ll see you on the other side, new boobs and all!

-e