My Lemons
I have breast cancer.
Definitely a sentence I never thought I’d say. Well, for sure not at 32! But here we are. Let’s be honest though, I think we are all saying and doing things we never thought we would this last year. It’s not so much what life throws at you, but how you choose to catch it.
I’m choosing to document this via my blog for a few reasons:
For myself. Even though I’m a self-proclaimed “poor writer” I’ve found a lot of enjoyment penning my past experiences and passing thoughts. It has also grown into my creative outlet and now my work. Heck, I write copy for a living, so using words feels very natural.
To keep y’all up to date! I’m already forgetting what I told who, so this is an easy way to capture everything that is going on.
Spread the word. Women raise your hand if you’ve asked for a breast exam or mammogram and they said you were too young. Yeah me too. This is in no way to slam our medical system because so far I am blown away by the care I’ve received. This is for you, yes you, you need to be an advocate for your own health. Check your lady lumps, know what’s normal and what’s not. Go see your doctor anytime you are concerned! We have to get better at taking care of ourselves and asking for help (I’m a work in progress myself).
So where did my breast cancer story start?
Back in December, I felt a weird lump on my left breast. I want to preface this by saying when I breastfed I was used to feeling lumps, usually milk filled. They also say this can change with your menstrual flow. But this lump just felt weird.
I was lucky enough to get in with my doctor the same day, where he found another smaller lump on the same side. This prompted him to send me for an ultrasound. I called to book this appointment THREE times because each time the wait was super long to get through and once the automated message just told me to call back and hung up. My usual habit would be to brush off the appointment/kind of forget about it/be lazy. Calling and making appointments is not something I like doing, I don’t know why. It was also close to Christmas so it just wasn’t on my radar.
Thankfully, my doctor’s office called me to follow up and ensure I made my appointment! Ooops… So I called again and waited on the line and actually got an ultra-sound appointment that day.
At the ultra-sound they couldn’t tell what the lumps were made up of so they wanted me to get a mammogram that day and booked me in for a biopsy. This was December 23, not exactly the Christmas gift I had planned on.
I put the upcoming biopsy appointment out of my mind and really REALLY enjoyed my holidays! The mind is a powerful tool and I feel like even at this early point of my journey I had to start the mental work to not let the fear of the unknown take over my every thought.
I had my biopsy on January 4th. I was worried it was going to hurt, it was uncomfortable, but not painful and the doctors were so wonderful. Then back to the waiting game.
My doctor called me 5 days later with the news. I for sure had that moment where you feel your head spin and aren’t able to process any information after the words “we found cancer”. I cried. I felt angry, scared, devasted. I allowed myself to feel all the things.
Then I said to myself “there’s no crying in baseball”. If you haven’t seen A League of Their Own put it on your list. Now anytime I feel like crying or overwhelmed I repeat this. I have no idea why I thought of it at that moment but it’s stuck and so far it works.
Since that day I have been shown the kind of love and support you get I guess when you get cancer haha… But it’s been amazing. And thank you to everyone who has sent their love.
I met with my surgeon and had tests all this week, but that will be for another post/update.
So your key takeaways from today friends:
Check your lemons! And don’t be scared by what you find or don’t find. You are in charge of your health, your body, and your mind.
And don’t forget - “there’s no crying in baseball”
-E